BODY AFTER BABIES AND SOME OTHER REVEALING TRUTHS

Revolve recently did an incredible blog post about me, check it out here:

http://blog.revolvefitness.com/

What I love about it is how authentic it is to my real life. Our day to day lives are not nearly as glamorous and titillating as many of us make them out to be on facebook, twitter, blogs and various other social media outlets. That is the beauty and the dishonesty of the eletronic world we live in right now – one can create an entirely different online life that has little to do with the real one

I don’t try to be transparent and straightforward, I just am. I don’t censor the things that come out of my mouth in front of a jam-packed class full of sweaty strangers, because I can’t help give ALL of myself in those moments. I life my life in present-tense, I don’t curate it online after the fact.

SO, the point of this blog post is to give you some deeper and very real TRUTHS about me: some fun and silly, and a one monumental.

I am not and was never a “professional” dancer. The Revolve bloggers labeled me as such, and I honestly didn’t have a chance to correct the post. I have danced for my entire life and, yes, in my late teens and early ‘20s I was in a semi-professional dance company. I choreographed a lot in college, but it never became a profession. Out of respect for the “professional dancers” out there, had to clear this one up.
In addition to my lashes (see Revolve’s post) my other beauty secret is that I get fraxel once a year. It is an incredible laser treatment that smoothes out the skin surfaces. It is not cheap, but its amazing. And TRUST ME all the famous women out there who look like they are 25, but are actually 35, get fraxel – ALL OVER.
I eat something sweet every single night. Its borderline addiction and I think I inherited it from my mom.
Speaking of nighttime indulgences. I have a tendency to overeat AND over-drink (wine) at dinner. My trick for keeping weight in check: at dinner only eat enough so that you aren’t too full to have sex later on.
I often feel guilty for working out instead of spending that time with my boys, but I workout anyway because I am a perfectionist.
Here’s the big one: I bounced back from having twin babies, YES, because I work my ass off in the gym, but also, sadly, because they were born terribly premature. Combined, my boys weighed less than 7 pounds at birth. I only gained 25 lbs through a twin pregnancy despite desperately trying to gain weight (while on bed rest). Severe anxiety is a pretty effective appetite suppressant. Preterm labor starting at week 25 of my pregnancy, ensuing 6 weeks of bedrest, and then two sick babies in the NICU pretty much f*&Ed me up for a few years. I suffered from PTSD (not depression but Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of the terror that my babies were going to die – a feeling that lasted for about 1 full year. My only indulgence during this time was exercise. Once my boys became toddlers, I decided not to return to my former career as a pretty successful freelance producer. I knew I needed to do something other than breastfeed babies and wipe two small asses, but it had to be a passion, a true love and something that would enhance not just my life, but that of others as well. This is what led me to take my previous side gig as a fitness instructor and make it my full time thing. Life is not always fair and now I spend so much time working, teaching, working out, research/mixing music, that I feel like I sacrifice my kids. Perfect balance is unattainable, but we do the best we can and I just hope and pray that my boys will be proud of me as they grow up into little men.
I haven’t spoken with my mother in a few years. I cut her off for reasons I would and could never ever post here because it would wound the people I love. This pains me every single day and I will never know what the right thing to do is about this relationship. I think a lot of people can relate to me on this one.
I truly do love my life and deeply adore everyone in it. I feel grateful every single day for this.
XOXO

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